I am excited to be writing on a blog again, but I am also utterly terrified. Truth be told, I am immensely insecure, so much so that I have been fighting this urge to begin a new blog for some time, simply out of fear that I would post something useless or that others would criticize me or that I would react poorly as a result of the other two.
Yet in this fear, I still always felt compelled. I felt like I should have been putting myself into the online dialogue with what I was learning, sharing my experiences and growth regardless of others’ reactions to it. I would see or hear or do something and think, “Ah, that would make a great blog post.” but that would be the end of it. No one else less my wife or a good friend would know; and I then would feel like I missed the opportunity to invest in someone else by sharing what I thought to be valuable. This is an odd place in which to find oneself, for even in writing that last sentence I feel foolish for believing that something from my mind might be of any real value to another. Once again, fear creeps forward–fear that I am arrogant in thinking what I have to write would be of value to any person but myself. When I consider said pride, I wonder if my blogging will be more of a detriment to the world than a boon to it. This is the way my soul works.
Thus, the ongoing conflict continues–the impulse to write and the fear of what will result; and here I am, letting the former side gain ground, even as the latter gets louder and louder. Time will tell if I am right to do so.
Thanks for coming, more to follow soon,
Enjoy what you are reading??? Let’s connect. I'm currently on Instagram, Letterboxd, Flickr, Twitter, always as CJstunkard.