I have a confession to make. My writing has suffered greatly since taking my job. I just don’t have the brain-power to dedicate to the craft. I try to spend 30-50 minutes on it at lunch, 4 days a week, plus a day on the weekend or an evening when I get it, but really, if I’m honest, I have been slacking. My brain just doesn’t seem to have the capacity. At least not at the keyboard. I can sit in front of a piece of paper and go-go-go with notes-upon-copious-notes on this outline, these characters, or that idea, but sitting at the keyboard and doing the work, well, let’s just say that the bulk of that brainpower is going straight to the blog.
I’m tired. I know it. I’m tired, and it takes a toll on me to keep plugging away at, well, whatever. I’m just spent by the time I try to dedicate time to the craft. Even as I type this, I can feel my eyes getting heavy and my mind fading, reaching for things in the background to distract it, trying to go lax on its pumping out new ideas.
And still I’m here, my fingers dancing across the dimly lit alphabet, as my eyes watch words of black find a home against a white wall, proving to me that I’m still doing it. I haven’t quit. Not yet. There’s hope in that. Hope, and a desperate exhaustion. Even now, I feel like I am reaching for sentences just to bulk up this post.
And that “dancing” my fingers are doing. It’s not Fred Astaire. No. It’s more like last-man-swaying-at-the-end-of-the-wedding-reception, the type of dancing performed by a person whose body says stop but their heart keeps their limbs limping, not in a great rhythm but enough of one to feel like the music hasn’t stopped. And I will tell you this–he’s enjoying himself, even if he’s ready to stumble back to his chair and take a nap. He’s still trying to catch himself from falling or giving into slumber, just for one more song. One more.
Here’s hoping that as I get over the initial 90-day learning curve my brain starts to get some of its power back. I have my doubts, but we’ll all see how things pan out come November when NaNoWriMo starts. That’s gonna be a doozy.
Thanks for hanging in with me despite my incoherent and exhausted ramblings these days. I know Monday was specifically free and loose, but I dug it. Will try to keep pace with the blog schedule and keep ’em coming.