Fear, Failure, and Forward Momentum

Well, here we are: midway through the last month of 2014. The time has passed more quickly than I would have expected. Sure, some days have been long, others not so. I’ve had the pleasure of savoring many moments and etching new memories while also failing to cherish many more that I let slip through my mind.

I’m off my marks for web traffic, blog posts, tweets, and a wealth of other personal goals. I’ve gained weighed and lost muscle. My love for the Lord has increased even as my strength and discipline seemed to leave me. I’m really not sure how I’ll look at 2014 in the long scheme of things.

I’ve faced emotional hardship I’ve not known and felt more helpless than I can remember, yet the Lord continues to reveal himself. I’ve prayed and sought and pondered, and I hear the Spirit’s quiet whisper saying again and again, “Encourage the Church”.

I still don’t know how. Well, that’s not entirely true. I know ways that I could, methods I might, but not in the sense I desire to–not in the way to which I am being led. I feel unsettled with many of the thoughts I’ve had or solutions I’ve reached. No, I am being drawn to something different. Something…else.

I think I’m getting closer to what that is–to how that might look. It’s not what I would have chosen for myself, but I am getting more confirmation of it each day. Perhaps I’ll close the year knowing (that would be wonderful).

If I follow it, well, life will look different in 2015–not bad, but different. I’ve been afraid of it–afraid of what it might mean. But I think part of that is the fear of having to rise to new occasions and difficulties. If things develop as I expect, I’ll need to be far more focused, more determined, and less listless.

Sounds like a good way to enter a new year.

Time will tell, and so will I, as I figure it out and take steps toward it.

Thanks for reading,
C
 
 
 
 
 

About C.J.:
Enjoy what you are reading??? Let’s connect. I'm currently on Instagram, LetterboxdFlickrTwitter, always as CJstunkard.

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