As I look to wrap up 2014 and renew my efforts in the coming year, I have had a realization–an important one. Frankly, the last few months I was vexed by what to do with my continued writing pursuits. What projects I should abandon? What ends I should pursue? I feel like I am finally getting my answers.
I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t lost some hope. In truth, my enthusiasm waxes and wanes more oft than the moon itself. I have had my days in despair; my hours of inaction. I’ve given into those “other” whispers–not the Spirit’s gentle voice or the encouragement of the Scriptures but the self-doubt and inclinations toward surrender. I’ve given ear to the accuser, to the enemy; I’ve let him sow his seeds of discontentment and fear. I’ve mused on his taunts and ill charges, and he has snatched more of my attention than I would like. He’s held me at bay longer than I care to admit.
But I’ve also had wonderful moments of inspiration, days in which writing was at the forefront of my mind. I have had dreams renewed and efforts rekindled. I’ve typed and scribbled and brainstormed and produced. So, I have not quit completely.
I have, however, found the rub. I know now why I’ve fallen off target. It’s the work. Not “work”, like my employment but “the work” of writing well. I’ve failed to set aside the focused time of fighting through 2,000 words because I need to get SOMETHING on the page to reach a necessary weekly goal. I’ve failed to commit my time and energy to the hard nights of staying awake that extra half hour because I want to edit that last chapter to stay on course. Namely, I’ve treated writing as a passing hobby, not a passionate pursuit.
Knowing this, I am well positioned to enter 2015. In fact, I’m not waiting until then to start. I’ve already begun dedicating more time in December. If memory serves, this November, traditionally my most busy month of the year, was the weakest month of dedicated writing I’ve had since I began tracking my time in 2011 (less those months I took off during the move).
Here’s hoping this realization gets me back on track, and we take 2015 by storm!