Weekly Reflection : 09/15/2018

I’m thinking ” I need a Haircut” , to the tune of BananaRama’s hit song, “I Heard a Rumour”

I am typing the first draft of this post on my phone, and my thumbs are too large for this keyboard. Not looking forward to editing this bad boy.

1). The Week in Brief “HOPEFUL EXHAUSTION IN THE WILDERNESS” In earnest, I am at all a loss for what to say this week. I’m so tired of feeling lost. Not like “Lost without God lost”, but lost like “wandering in the wilderness lost”. As far as God is concerned, I feel loved and known by him 24/7, and In a way wthat’s part of the problem. He has given me so much, and I feel that I am just squandering it terribly. Of course the hope-filled, starry-eyed dreams in me keeps holding fast to this the belief that this perceived wilderness and time of emotional and mental turmoil has been proving grounds and preparation for the next enterprise the Lord has for me to do, whenever he reveals it or it reveals itself. So that’s the week: frustration that I am not doing what I believe I ought tis be doing even though I do not know what that is, all the while also believing that what I ought to be doing will soon become clear and I’ll be equipped for it mainly due to this hard time. We’ll see.

In other news, Sunday going into Monday I had a bit of an anxiety attack and awoke at 4. Fortunately, I got up and did my morning routine, which brought me back to balance and allowed me to sleep from 5:30 to about quarter til 7:00. Again, routine is a great way to combat anxiety.

The anxiety attack revolves around some conspiracy theory videos I had recently viewed, and led my me down a rough rabbit hole (I have my addictive personality to thank for that) . I’ll be honest, during this period of listening and guessing, I heard and saw things I truly wish I had not— things that are haunting me some two weeks later. Lesson learned: my mind is not built to absorb those things well. Maybe it should be; in a way, I almost wish it were but I accept that it isn’t.

As a result of the things I saw and the anxiety attack they caused, I decide to drop YouTube for the week. Surprisingly it was difficult. On the daily I wanted to get on and consume, but I didn’t. But the fact that I had that desire gave me pause. Trouble is that you can be addicted to things over which you believe you think you have control.

ON EBAY !!!

2). More Hope and Happenings.

Which brings me to this week’s eBay auctions: mainly Star Wars. That brand will be my brad and butter in the coming months. I had a agreat run in August, and I think the dopamine hit of buying started to rear it’s ugly head, leading me to take chances on several auctions on which I should not have. End result: lots of new inventory that will fail to be as profitable as I prefer my margins, if at all in some instances. I may end up taking a loss on 3 or 4 lots when all is said done. Gottta remember to keep that buying on the bay in check. For now,  I am going to place buying inventory on hold til at least the 25th. Something tells me I’ll do just fine without auction hunting for a few weeks.

In the absence of YouTube I took to listening to a podcast series by Jordan B Peterson entitled , the psychological significance of the Biblical Stories. The lectures have been stunning and those who are familiar with this good doctor will recognize a lot of anecdotal content to that he applies the these lectures. I’ve provided links below to the ones I have heard thus far:

3). Happy Landon! My son is a champion. Today at the park, he took a very hard hit, having fallen about 2 feet off a piece of playground equipment right onto his back. As soon as I told him he was okay; he was fearlessly back on the same piece of equipment. CHAMPION.

4). Recommended Media. In lieu of watching Youtube, this week I began listening to the JORDAN PETERSON LECTURE SERIES: Psychological Significance of the Biblical Stories. Here’s links to all to which I’ve listened thus far.

Introduction to the Idea of God

GENESIS : Chaos & Order

God and the Hierarchy of Order

Adam and Eve: Self-Consciousness, Evil, and Death

Cain & Abel : The Hostile Brothers

The Psychology of the Flood

Walking With God : Noah and the Flood

#onthedaily Recap

This week, I was Grateful for love and hope, my wife and son, my Lord and Savior, a supportive manager , being gainfully employed, and sunshine !!!!!

This week, I Focused on giving my wife what she needs, getting difficult tasks done, getting difficult work finished, granting myself grace for mistakes, enjoying life, and engaging with my son ! !!!!!

This week, I refused to Worry about conspiracies, money, tomorrow’s workload, the difficulties inherent to a very long workday , coin and money, and tomorrow!!!!

 

Collectible of the week: 1990’s POWER OF THE FORCE LANDO CALRISSIAN: I have been a Star Wars kick lately. Watched Revenge of the Sith twice this summer and Empire Strikes Back yesterday. Of the handful of Star Wars figures I’ve retained since my youth, this Landon is definitely one of my favorites. Yes, he suffers from the 90’s over developed, ultra extreme physique that plagued the Star Wars relaunch form 1995 to 1998, but seriously, if this styles make Lando— one of the most legit characters in the Star Wars universe—look even cooler. He’s built like the rock but still got the Billie Dee swagger: that’s a Landon toy worth having!!!

 

About C.J.:
Enjoy what you are reading??? Let’s connect. I'm currently on Instagram, LetterboxdFlickrTwitter, always as CJstunkard.

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