Weekly Reflection : 10/13/2018

BEST BUDS.

Once again not doing a great job getting these up on Saturdays. I have no excuse; Frankly, I could be getting things done on time if I prioritized them, and I should. Saturday, we spent a good day at Longwood Gardens, and I had eBay work to do in the evening on which I focused. I told myself to do the debrief before beginning, but I failed to do so. Once I had finished, I did not have enough fuel in the tank to get it finished.

I have a new goal: Get remaining WEEKLY DEBRIEFs published in a timely fashion for the rest of the year. I believe I will be able.

Here’s where we are for now.

1). The Week in Brief “The Edge of the Knife.” 

This past week I was taking a walk at work just to get my bearings and reassess things for the remains of the day. While I was doing so, I was reminded of a quote from the Lord of the Rings said by Galadriel, Lady of Lothlorien, an elven maiden. If all that sounds ridiculous to you, it’s okay, Lord of the Rings possesses a specific type of beauty, and I don’t expect everyone to appreciate it. Anyway, the quote is as follows: “The quest stand upon the edge of a knife. Stray but a little and you will fail. To the ruin of all.”

I deeply want to be a good man. I deeply want to live a life full of honor and good deeds—not necessarily large and heroic deeds but daily kindness and goodness towards others. But I am also terribly selfish. I am shamefully selfish. It takes a fair amount of work for me even to function well as an adult, and I am of the disposition that is inherently anxious and nervous and will likely struggle with ongoing mental health trials. Sometimes I am so moved to anger and frustration over things that I see, I can barely stand it. With so much evil in the world, I’ve developed a real empathy for those who fall off the edge. I can understand why they do. Giving into hate, into rage, into victimization or self-destruction feels easier. It feels like an escape from a quest that is ever difficult. Many of us walk on that ever-narrow edge, and if we lose sight of our aims, we risk failure.

I have so much good in my life.

I have a wonderful and faithful wife.

I have an adorable son.

I have a home, and I am gainfully employed. I have a good manager, good relationships with decent people with whom I work, and I even have the means to own and operate a side business in order to provide for my wife’s staying at home with our toddler. At the center of this and serving as the foundation is my faith; through Christ I maintain peace and endurance, particularly during emotional times.  I have an immense amount of good in my life, and I recognize that I am blessed.  When I look back at this week, I am full of gratitude for how much the Lord has given me. My life is not perfect; I am a huge part of its shortcomings. I allow myself to dwell in darkness more often than I need, and I stay there for too long when I do. Too often I feel I am on the edge of the knife, but the Lord has sustained me; he has sustained me with an immense amount of good in my life to stem the tide of fear and darkness. Things have improved greatly over the last year. I am at least on a trajectory of ever-more improvements in the year to come. So I am grateful, and I am hopeful for the future overall (even if I am a bit hesitant about some specifics below outlined).

2). More Hope and Happenings

eBay was back up this week. All he previously outlined issues have been resolved, and I have new inventory due by end of week. I am debating whether I should continue buying inventory in November, even though I will be unable to list it until January. I have yet to decide. For now, I have a great deal of product prepped for this week as well as the next, possibly until the end of the year.

Once again, I have missed playing Final Fantasy III. This week, I am slightly hopeful about finishing by year end.

And I am back up to 200 lbs. as of this posting, and I am once again less hopeful. I find it unlikely I will be at 195 by Halloween.

I watched a fair amount on youtube this past week but nothing I feel compelled to share at present.

#onthedaily RECAP (again, missing a day)

This Week, I was Grateful for God’s enduring grace and patience,doctors,my wife, my job, and my health ! ! !!!

This Week, I Focused on being full of gratitude, working hard and working well, on being present, working hard, and getting things done that I do not want to do ! ! ! ! !

This week, I refused to Worry about difficulties on the horizon, Money, the cost of upcoming home repairs, money, and money ! !

About C.J.:
Enjoy what you are reading??? Let’s connect. I'm currently on Instagram, LetterboxdFlickrTwitter, always as CJstunkard.

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