Weekly Reflection: 11/03/2018

New Glasses!!!

 

Well, we’re now in November. November 2018. It’s unbelievable.

Where did this year go? It was swallowed in days so busy that I almost feel I missed it. That has a great deal to do with how I am feeling this week.

That, and the fact I was up until 2 AM doing work for eBay. Despite the exhaustion, my goal remains: get these updates posted each Saturday. I did it last week, and the week before it. 

1). The Week in Brief “DAILY BREAD.” Brass tacks: This past week I’ve simply been exhausted. This holiday season will be the most exhausting of my life since as long as I can remember. Our financial situation requires that I hustle on eBay in a way I’ve never had to before now. I’ll be doing bulk listings twice a week, likely packing items on the daily, and constantly re-tooling and photographing lots in hopes of getting them out the door. Of course, this will need to happen while maintaining my job and trying to help my wife as we prepare for our trip to Europe.

 

And that’s in addition to all the other little goals that I’m trying to achieve.

 

That being said, the resentment is building, and I’m disappointed in myself. There’s no other way to say it, but it’s true. I’m frustrated that I do not have evenings where I can rest, where I can spend time focusing on my writing or on self-authoring, or Final Fantasy III, or any of the things I want to do. I am in a season of hustling—hustling for every nickel I can. Frankly, it has felt as if every dollar I make is already spent. All year. Our inability to generate and stick to a budget in our 20’s has continued to to haunt us well into our late 30’s, and I fear I will not have the energy anymore to sustain us. Sure, for now I do, but it’s at an intermittent physical and emotional toll. I am exhausted most of the time these days, and I see no end in sight while I am working at the bank.

 

So this is me; this is the cold truth of how I have felt this week: exhausted, fighting resentment, and feeling beaten. Again. 

 

But that outlook is in accurate. I am not beaten. I already have the victory—the real victory that matters. I pray the Lord’s prater with my son every night, and the Lord answers. Day-in and day-out, we get our daily bread. Emotionally. Mentally. Fiscally. Because of this, I also feel shame and guilt over my resentment I have. I ought not to have it. My Lord is faithful, so faithful. Sure, it’s a hustle for us to make ends meet, but we are. And we have been all year. It’s true, that I would much rather be writing. I would love to not chase bills and carry debt. I would love to spend my evenings on other pusuits. But this is not the season. Now is a time to hustle. And it will be through year end. But my Lord is faithful, and I believe that he will continue to be.

 

2). More Hope and Happenings

eBay ! eBAY !! EBAY !!!  This week, I still have over 200 listings with over 50 more on deck to go live by Friday, the 9th.

Last week, I mentioned needing to fill an order for over a dozen copies of STRONGHOLD , and this week, the retailer confirmed they are now sold out of copies, so he order is being increased !  it’s very exciting!

I wanted to be at 195 pounds by Halloween. When I weighed myself on Monday, October 29th, I was 195 on the dot. I almost don’t want to weigh  myself again until my next physical December. HAHAHHA Unfortunately, that’s not how weight management works.

#onthedaily RECAP (without missing a day, Hooray!!!)

This Week, I was Grateful for my wonderful wife, free pizza at work, free breakfast at work, My Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, mercy, and my wife and son !!

This Week, I Focused on starting the week with productivity, staying positive, getting things finished, being full of gratitude, working well then getting home, and getting stuff done !

This week, I refused to Worry about end of year expenses, money, all that I will not be able to finish by year end, production demands, money, and money !

 

About C.J.:
Enjoy what you are reading??? Let’s connect. I'm currently on Instagram, LetterboxdFlickrTwitter, always as CJstunkard.

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