Weekly Reflection : 11/17/2018

Saturday Mornings in the office!

Another Reflection actually getting posted on a Saturday. It’s been over a month since I committed to get these done on Saturdays, and I think I may actually make it happen each week until the hiatus in December! For all the things going amiss in life at present, it’s nice to be hitting one target.

Which brings us to the main thought of this week:

The Week in Brief “Living in Sin.” 

Some define “sin” as “missing the mark”. The accepted Etymology supports this.

I thought a fair amount about this definition over the last week. I applied it to my own life. When I went to work on Wednesday following an extended weekend with my family, I could not help but think, “I am living in sin.”

I am missing the mark. I am not doing the things I ought to be doing, and the things I am doing are not getting done well—not as well as I’d like.

In so many ways actually, I feel I am missing the mark. Recently, my wife and I were discussing life goals and finances. I expressed to her a frightening truth, that I’ve felt very much like a Biblical figure lately—and not one of the heroic or noble ones. I have felt like the wicked servant who buried “talents” (a form of money) entrusted to him by his master because the servant was too afraid to apply them to the marketplace and risk losing them. Jesus tells the parable of this servant. In the end, the coward’s talent is taken away and given to another. The wicked and cowardly servant is cast into a dungeon. This gives me pause, and prison has long been one of my greatest fears.

This is why I talk about living in sin as missing the mark: I feel I have so many gifts and resources, but I have failed to understand how to harness and apply them. I feel as though God has given me things to do that I’m simply not doing. What’s worse is that I am not certain what those things are. When we came to Delaware in 2012, I felt so strongly about writing, about investing in relationships, about being a strong and good and decent man. These days, I feel I hardly do any of these things. And it’s no one’s fault but my own.

What other conclusion could I reach but that I am living in sin?

Perhaps this is just a manifestation of “the Dreamer’s Curse” — that sense of shame and guilt when someone who dreamed of accomplishing much has been unable to do so. Regardless, I have been carrying this feeling all week: I am living in sin. I am missing the mark. I feel like the wicked and cowardly servant.

I am glad that I rely on grace and mercy for my hope, not my achievements. The above paragraphs bear a certain weight of despair; I realize that. But hope runs more deeply than despair. Hope burns beneath disappointment. For my hope is that Jesus Christ has already called me into his eternal kingdom. My citizenship is established, despite my shortcomings, though they are many.

But this does not negate the responsibility of facing sin and repenting upon discovering it. So, I guess that’s my task for the week to come: What marks am I missing? How can I get closer to them? How do I endure as I strive toward that aim.

Looks like it will be a full week.

 

More Hope and Happenings

eBay is now a legit part time job. 15-20 hours week over week. That’s all I’m going to say on that for now. I am so grateful for the platform and the extra cash. I am so blessed to have this ancillary revenue stream.

I have been giving weekly updates about recent sales of STRONGHOLD , and this week has been a real mess, full of shipping problems, damaged product, customer support discussions with both my buyers and my vendors. A Mess. And I gotta tell you, this is a wonderful mess to have. People want to read my novel, which is no small thing. I think the extra effort in this area of life is well worth it—and solid training for being a woking author, if that day arrives.

Last week,I said my next weigh-in would take place on November 19,but I could not wait (no pun intended), I stepped on the scale this past Wednesday. I was still under 195 lb. I could not believe it, and I was very excited. And this was without dieting or evening workouts. We’ll see how the weigh-in this Monday goes. 

Sometimes, we just get figures out of their bin and put them on stands. It’s wonderful.

#onthedaily RECAP (without missing a day, Hooray!!!)

This Week, I was Grateful for time with my son, my family ,life in Christ, for the beauty of falling snow, the weekend, having a job where I do not work weekends !

This Week, I Focused on helping my wife while I am home from work, utilizing time well, being strong,being patient with my son, calming my emotions when anxious and frustrated, savoring time with family and friends !

This week, I refused to Worry about financial failures, money, money ,credit card debt, solving all my financial issues by the end of the year, car repair costs !

About C.J.:
Enjoy what you are reading??? Let’s connect. I'm currently on Instagram, LetterboxdFlickrTwitter, always as CJstunkard.

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