Weekly Reflection: 12/8/2018

Resolve + Hope = Zeal

The Christmas season has been hard this year. If you’ve been following the blog, you know I have had plenty to juggle. And I am fairly protective about specifics here, so you can assume there’s plenty beneath the surface also. So, that being said, I had a bit of a breakthrough during therapy on Tuesday, and it’s driven my attitude during the week.

Let’s get to it.

 

The Week in Brief “RESOLVE + HOPE = ZEAL” 

I enjoy therapy. Most of the time, my therapist simply allows me to speak all the noise happening in my head without interruption until I reach the conclusion of it. Then he either affirms or refines it. Then we repeat the process.

Frankly , I do not know of anyone else in my life that has the time or willingness to hash things to their conclusion in this way. It’s a substantial request to make of another human being, to ask them to sit and listen to all of the extensive and disconnected data running through one’s mind until the nugget of a conclusion is not only reached but adequately communicated. I think it’s why therapists make the money they do.

This week, we reached a very useful conclusion regarding my life and my future. After a long process of identifying various frustrations, trials, and dilemmas, we ultimately arrived at a determination that despair has been rising again in my soul. I do not find this surprising, given that last week’s reflection was focused so strongly on hope. Hope is something that I not only encourage and everyone reading, but in my own life as well. Be brutally honest with yourself, but hope that things can improve. Hope that you can change.

Once we reached this conclusion during my session, I was able to think through what might be necessary and required of me in order to be back the despair. I must resolve to remain hopeful, and I have to hope that resolve will succeed. In the past, I have proven that if I resolve to do something, and I have deep rooted hope that it will be a success, I developed a certain zeal which is consistently motivating, often resulting in the self-fulfilling prophecy of the desired outcome.

So, this is my current space. I pray daily the sinner’s prayer and a very specific, necessary portion of the Lord’s Prayer. Also throughout the day, I rededicate myself to contending for hope that things will improve and resolving to maintain that hope in the face of present constants that are discouraging. I will not lie, this has been a fair amount of work already, and it’s been less than a week. Additional effort is definitely on my horizon. But as my therapist and I agree, and some of you may know as well, when I resolve to do a thing, and I hope that it can be done, then I produce the zeal necessary to actually see it come to pass. Here’s hoping the present task aligns with my prior Success.

If it doesn’t, well, my reflections in the weeks to come might be bit under the weather, and it’s been a cold winter at here in Wilmington.

More Hope and Happenings

My last eBay run of 2018 ends tomorrow. I am glad for it. It’s a bit of a whimper given the overall year, but there will still be a few dollars more in the till come Tuesday. I have had an exhausting 4Q 2018 and have an aching suspicion I will need to step up my game full throttle come January; amd for now, I am glad to have had a strong year come to a close with little inventory to carry into 2019.

According to Amazon, I sold another few copies of STRONGHOLD this month. Again, this is not really money-maker just a blessing to know people are getting the content.

#onthedaily RECAP (without missing a day, Hooray!!!)

This Week, I was Grateful for life itself and the wonderful sun (yes, the “sun”, not a typo), a few extra hours at home with my son , insights gained from therapy , my son, sleep, and coffee !!!

This Week, I Focused on working hard but going to bed by 10:30 PM (failed on this), being honest, getting done what I gotta do, controlling anxiety , surviving Friday at the office, and having hope !!!

This Week, I refused to Worry about rejection, not getting enough sleep , money, End of Week deadlines , difficulties on the horizon and anything. Today I will hold to hope !!!

About C.J.:
Enjoy what you are reading??? Let’s connect. I'm currently on Instagram, LetterboxdFlickrTwitter, always as CJstunkard.

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